In the post 3 Tips to Own Your Self-Worth, we discuss three ways to constructively take criticism and separate the truth from the bull. If you haven’t read it yet, do it now by clicking this link!
Now comes the fun part where we own our BS. Before you run to comfort mountain, hear me out. How many times have you gone into an interaction telling yourself you’re cool, you’re collected, you’re in control, but ended up bananas? My hand is raised, not proudly.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all, at some point, regretted what we said or did, and at times felt like we had little control over our actions.
I’m here to tell you there’s another way. When we become aware, acknowledge, and own our stuff, we can make the deliberate choice to do better. Below are three steps to own our emotions before they head south to banana land.
Step one is recognizing your immediate reactions and what they look like. When someone makes a rude comment, your cable provider puts you on hold with five minutes left of your lunch, or someone calls you out in front of others, what’s your immediate reaction? Maybe you go silent and mentally withdraw? Maybe you immediately sound like an old school rap album with explicit on the cover? Whatever it is it’s important to recognize it, so the next time you find yourself with a similar reaction you can put on the breaks.
Brainstorm and write the ways you immediately react in stressful situations.
In the post 3 Tips to Own Your Self-Worth, we learned anger is a cover up to something more. When overwhelmed with emotion, it’s our body’s way of telling us, “Pay attention, something’s up.”
- What words or behavior prompted my response? Why?
- What past experiences or insecurities does this bring up for me?
When someone says something different from how we perceive ourselves or the world our protective shield goes up. It doesn’t feel good, so we go into protective mode. The problem is our shields also close us off from the opportunity to connect, learn, understand, and move forward.
Note when you quickly deny, place blame, or start putting down someone else. Ask yourself,
- Is there truth in what was said? This is the hard part, because usually we don’t want to find it.
- What may I not be acknowledging? What am I denying?
- What can I learn?
If you take the time to ask yourself these questions you may be surprised by what you find.
Do the Work
Phew, this is tough work, but you made it. You recognized yourself wanting to react and paused. Yah, girl, who’s in charge? You are!
You got curious and asked yourself what bothers you about the situation. Yes!
Now you have a choice. You can react like you always have or make a different choice. Girl, you know what to do, it’s just doing it. Remember, change will not occur unless you make a change. It’s not easy, but change occurs where there is consistent action.
So, let’s get proactive before we get reactive.
Brainstorm the steps that will help you put on the breaks, especially when all you want to do is take the easy way out, play it safe, or do what’s comfortable.
Maybe it’s taking a deep breath, excusing yourself for a moment, asking the why, or a positive thought that redirects your focus. Pick one that will be your go-to and put it in your back pocket.
Friend, happiness has always been yours. Sometimes we just need a reminder that it’s already in our hands, we just need to own it.
Keep Yourself Accountable
Join us in the comments section of this post! Let me know what goals you’ve set for yourself and how you plan to take action. Keep me posted. What’s working well? Where do you find yourself struggling?
Share the Love
If you found this post helpful share it with your friends! Community is everything. We need our tribe to remind us that we’re already enough and far more capable than we sometimes allow ourselves to be.
Girl, you got this! Follow along and never miss a thing by subscribing to KaylaSnellenberger.com!